you have to believe me. please.
i haven't seen a second of video footage today yet. i have
refused to turn on the radio or real audio.
today is the day the twin towers collapsed.
i've seen photos. but i see it in my head through others'
eyes. i hear the crumbling concrete and steel through others'
ears. every time my mind goes idle, it plays again. different
distances. different towers. different stages of the events.
i haven't seen any footage.
it's been calmer recently. my suspected link to all of this is,
i think, asleep. all i know is that it has calmed, but certainly
not gone away. maybe now that i'm more aware of it, i can keep
it away.
i haven't listened to any reports.
but it's palpable. the confusion. the thick smoke and dust.
the fear. the breaking supports and breaking people. the anguish.
the denial, though it's right in your face.
that's my face now, and it's choking and crying and wondering.
whatever you all sent... oh shit... whatever you all sent in
those hours as it was transpiring... some of us could pick up...
i'm sorry i can't do more than be a receiver. i can't even give
blood. but i heard you. and i felt it. and i'm sorry you had
to see what you saw.
if you are still with us or if you are not
whether you were on 18th st watching or you
were trapped on the 79th floor of #2
i'm sorry that this is now part of you
but know that i got a little piece of what
you had to get out
and i will carry it with me.
